this has no title

People who headline things with that title frustrate the heck out of me. Because it OBVIOUSLY FREAKING DOES. If THERE IS SOMETHING NEXT TO "TITLE: " IT HAS ONE. RAH.


Mm. What a rage-filled opener! Which is odd because there's actually far less rage floating around inside me than the norm was a few months ago. It's not gone, it's just kind of had parts of it..poured into things and other parts buried.


I sense a random kind of a post ahead. The last two were ABOUT things. This is not. I'm listening to ...(checks iTunes) Vetiver and selected Ray Lamontagne (some of his stuff is insanely irritating, other parts are completely divine. he's better live and acoustic though, I must say. There's something less moving about a raspy bearded guitar wielding man when he's backed by techno touchups and whatever else. not always the case but definetely is in his).

It's a Sunday and I'm just kind of floating .
Disconnected.
Meant to be shopping with Swan but have delayed it for bit.
Went into the city by myself, milled around loving the buildings and the chill and Dostoyevsky and the (whole new amounts of) coffee. Then the second everybody else was up and in there and looking for someone to offload the weekend tales to, I left. Sometimes I just can't do it.
I WILL go find people. Just not yet.

Never ceases to amaze me how many people are inside each of us. Nor the fact that despite this, some people are still so boring. Is that because they pick one person (usually the one-of-many cookie-cutter, lame-ass sheep version of themselves, the play-it-safe option pulled right off Jay-jays billboards and Neighbours dialogue. Ew. ) and hide the others away? Or are there actually a handful out there who genuinely have just one side to them? Does that mean they escape the violent inner battles between all the different selves? That might be nice. But apart from that..I like it better this way.

In the last week I've been at least four different people. All honestly, but all different.

One Theresa is obsessed with techno pop and dancing blindly in weird flashing lights to Uffie and the Presets with crazy German backpackers, smokes and likes it loud. That Theresa is expensive :/ I've spent far too much money this week. But the saving for travel is oddly still panning out well . Maybe I spend less than I realise or earn more than I realise, but my suspicion is just that I spend on stupid things and skimp on essentials I don't count as essential... :/ oh dear. Each to their own priorities though right??

Another Theresa is obsessive about grades and cleanliness and organisation and productivity. How this Theresa gets along with the Theresa who stays with the people interstate where they spend countless hours lying on the grass  listening to Nick Cave and the Beatles , calling in sick to work and living out of the same clothes for 3 days, I'll never know. But it works.

There's Theresa who hates the world. So much that she can't sleep. Not the world per se, but a lot of the people in it, without ever having met them, just by meeting the damage they leave behind, on people, on buildings, on the ground, whatever. That Theresa's a testament to how having multiple personalities works, because needs the other Theresas to get out of bed in the morning.

There's Theresa who loves the world. Every little speck of dirt, every cliched natural beauty, every smell, every second, even the bad ones.

The Theresa writing this is the one who's removed from it all. Folk music blaring , phone being ignored , happy to just read and eat and be alone forever. But another Theresa would be dead without her friends and loves so many people so hugely that it hurts.

I..oh. bother. All Theresas like chocolate. And the urge has hit. I shall return....