procrastinamation

if I could draw. I would be drawing right now. procrast-animation, it would be.

but sadly, I can only draw maybeeee...50% of the time. So it goes.

Instead I'll write things in here, between writing essay paragraphs. I was originally procrastinafacebooking but it started to disturb me (i'll get to that). 

First off though, is it just me or is everything pretty? not just pretty...but beautiful. I don't just mean rain and fog and Prague etc etc etc. I mean EVERYTHING. I was standing in our bathroom 5 minutes ago and staring at our HIDEOUS tiling and it struck me how lovely it was, in all its revoltingness. Just the contrast, the texture, I don't know... everything is beautiful, even ugly things, especially ugly things, in fact. It's odd. And now I'm staring at the red felt board in front of me that has been stabbed with my coloured pins and photos and can't help looking PAST the photos to the point where they've just become a bunch of strangely shaped squares all over something red, and that too is just..pretty. Bother. The world is distracting, even when doing nothing. I do actually want to do essays, I'm just paragraphically challenged today. 

I tried dawdling on Flickr but that leads to HOURS so closed it. 

Facebook distraction was also intended but that Feed was nagging something inside me with photos I didn't particularly want to see. Or rather, thoughts I didn't want to think because they make no sense. Isn't it strange that you can be so completely happy in one place, and want it on all levels (conscious, subconscious, whatever) and have zero intention of leaving it and be so aware that you're joyous and it's the best place in life to be, and yet see photos of something horrible and shipwrecked and going nowhere but because it was yours once, it stabs you just a tiny bit that it's not anymore? Be it friends, situations, houses, exes. It makes no difference. Its the same feeling. 

And you know that if you were back there again you'd hate it. It's why you're not! Quite bizarre.

Something else that is bizarre... is the snail. There's one on my window and I'll never ever get over how strange they are. He's probably thinking the same thing.

This was a pointless post. But they're the best kind sometimes.

 

and I thought 9 was early...

It's now 5 30. I've been up since 5 after a mysteriously restless eve and my shoulders are aching from rolling around in bed . Sounds bad, but actually isn't.

It started with an sms. from a boy who blows my mind. really. he's quite simply amazing. and so is getting to wake up and smile like that. I actually missed him last night, which isn't normal for me. The usual is regardless how grand the boy is, space is VERY much valued and when you have a night on your own you secretly thank the heavens and don't want it to end. It's not that nights on my own are horrible now, not at all. It's more that there's a definite 'if you were here, that would be quite lovely..' feeling. Or maybe a 'you belong around me?! where are you?!' feeling. I don't know. I'm too sleeeeepy to identify. But I like it. And I like him. And so many things...about him. I am officially way way WAY lucky. And can't believe I was so skeptical to begin with about something that has panned out to be a highlight of being awake daily. Truly.