winter is

walking in blistery winds and big coats and having your nose feel like it's going to fall off but your insides toasty warm because of the prettiness of it all,

sewing things together in front of heaters,

hats and scarves that clash with what your wearing,

hot pies and hot chocolates, 

somebody else's skin keeping your insides melted when it's raining outside,

delicious darkness til late morning and darkness from early morning  making it seem like night goes on twice as long ,

wonderful.

just had to say that . because treading through leaves etc etc just now reminded me. 

Study time. 

AND

 I think I'm going to become a vampire. Way too alert at 3am and way too sleepy right about now. C'mon coffee, make me normal :) go go go! 

  Guard your necks, folks..

and

oh :( 

they found the wreckage of the Air France plane. So sad. It must be inconceivable to picture your relatives and loved ones going through that. It makes me shudder. 5km of wreckage. 

The odd thing is the plugging of the fact that '3 young doctors were on board' ... um...okay. Well that's very sad, but why has every paper been mentioning that since yesterday? Doctors are fabulous and all, but ... :I

2nd post in one day!! crikey.

Except I just ranted several peoples' ears off so..this seemed smarter.

The Shoulds have infested me big time, I think. 

The previous winters spent lazing around inside looking at pretty weather and reading mindblowing texts and eating scones and such, the winters I love, have been replaced by the fact that I SHOULD be standing, be outside, should be eating better, should be doing things better, should be up to this, should be up to that, should read less, should focus more, should should should should. I don't know where they came from. Some kind of grab at control I'd assume, but alas the lazy bookish section of me is too strong for that to occur therefore instead of the Shoulds OR the other part of me to win, they're both just an inner tug of war and im getting nothing done in either category. 

so this is me making a concerted effort to stop with that trash. que sera sera, as they say.

organised disorganisation

hello hello.

So after reading Liz's latest post of brilliance, I truly do wish I was writing big thoughts super articulately in here, but it really does serve well as just a ranting hole. A virtual black box where stupid thoughts, pointless thoughts, thoughts that wind on and on with nowhere to go thus no point in the real world, thoughts I don't particularly want in my head, get spat into.  It also makes a pretty good puzzle board. You know those wooden boards you used to do puzzles on? yeha. You set your pieces out on that, and can fit things together and see them all at once and much more clearly, rather than a bunch of pieces shoved in the box, most of which are actually upside down...

And...I keep having dreams about a future world, not space age, i mean MY future. I'm older, (duh..), I have wooden floors and a coat stand (why does that always feature? how strange..) and a cat and a hallway rug. I have a bookshelf filled with texts about what I specialise in. I have a garden. I have worries but they're normal worries, not ridiculous ones, and they mostly concern the family that came along with the hallway and coatracck. Very odd. Also keep having dreams about boats. Except in those dreams, I never get seasick. 

Speaking of odd things, what's going on with that Susan Boyle? She's front page Age news. Would I care more if I'd actually seen her sing? because at the moment... I really don't. the PM visited her because she was sick? I don't comprehend. :I .

And music. lovely music. At the moment the Firekites are being played out. My Sad Captain was ok, but all the songs, while nice, were very similar, y'know? Sigh. Music really does make the world go round. It reaaaally does.

Tin tin has his own museum now.

And on that random note, I'll go and do some study. . . . 

procrastinamation

if I could draw. I would be drawing right now. procrast-animation, it would be.

but sadly, I can only draw maybeeee...50% of the time. So it goes.

Instead I'll write things in here, between writing essay paragraphs. I was originally procrastinafacebooking but it started to disturb me (i'll get to that). 

First off though, is it just me or is everything pretty? not just pretty...but beautiful. I don't just mean rain and fog and Prague etc etc etc. I mean EVERYTHING. I was standing in our bathroom 5 minutes ago and staring at our HIDEOUS tiling and it struck me how lovely it was, in all its revoltingness. Just the contrast, the texture, I don't know... everything is beautiful, even ugly things, especially ugly things, in fact. It's odd. And now I'm staring at the red felt board in front of me that has been stabbed with my coloured pins and photos and can't help looking PAST the photos to the point where they've just become a bunch of strangely shaped squares all over something red, and that too is just..pretty. Bother. The world is distracting, even when doing nothing. I do actually want to do essays, I'm just paragraphically challenged today. 

I tried dawdling on Flickr but that leads to HOURS so closed it. 

Facebook distraction was also intended but that Feed was nagging something inside me with photos I didn't particularly want to see. Or rather, thoughts I didn't want to think because they make no sense. Isn't it strange that you can be so completely happy in one place, and want it on all levels (conscious, subconscious, whatever) and have zero intention of leaving it and be so aware that you're joyous and it's the best place in life to be, and yet see photos of something horrible and shipwrecked and going nowhere but because it was yours once, it stabs you just a tiny bit that it's not anymore? Be it friends, situations, houses, exes. It makes no difference. Its the same feeling. 

And you know that if you were back there again you'd hate it. It's why you're not! Quite bizarre.

Something else that is bizarre... is the snail. There's one on my window and I'll never ever get over how strange they are. He's probably thinking the same thing.

This was a pointless post. But they're the best kind sometimes.

 

and I thought 9 was early...

It's now 5 30. I've been up since 5 after a mysteriously restless eve and my shoulders are aching from rolling around in bed . Sounds bad, but actually isn't.

It started with an sms. from a boy who blows my mind. really. he's quite simply amazing. and so is getting to wake up and smile like that. I actually missed him last night, which isn't normal for me. The usual is regardless how grand the boy is, space is VERY much valued and when you have a night on your own you secretly thank the heavens and don't want it to end. It's not that nights on my own are horrible now, not at all. It's more that there's a definite 'if you were here, that would be quite lovely..' feeling. Or maybe a 'you belong around me?! where are you?!' feeling. I don't know. I'm too sleeeeepy to identify. But I like it. And I like him. And so many things...about him. I am officially way way WAY lucky. And can't believe I was so skeptical to begin with about something that has panned out to be a highlight of being awake daily. Truly.